When he's gone REWRITE
by PerfectDreamWithHim
Summary: Danny is bullied by the guys and decides to leave. Only then do Harry, Dougie and Tom realise what they've done. Possibly Flones!
1. Chapter 1

**DANNY POV**

The last notes of Shine a light still echoed through the venue when I looked into the black flashing mob while smiling wide.

I was happy. I was happy because I knew that this time I didn't make any mistakes. I played every chord right, played the crowed like I used to, didn't forget my lyrics and sang every note beautifully.

I looked to my left and saw Dougie trying on a bra that was thrown on his microphone earlier in the gig. Then I looked at my right and saw Tom making a heart sign above his head while telling the crowed he loved them. And finally I looked at Harry who was standing behind his drum with his hands in the air.

I smiled as wide as I could because I was convinced that this would make everything right again. All the fighting and yelling and especially the names they call me.. It will all be over now!

As we walked of the stage I was still buzzing with adrenaline and said 'Man that was awesome!'

'Shut up Danny, nobody asked your opinion' Dougie said rude

'What's wrong?' I asked confused.

'You're wrong Danny. Don't you understand? We don't want you anymore, we're better off without you' Tom said and went outside to get into the car and Dougie followed him.

I looked at Harry and hoped for.. I don't know.. something. Something reassuring, something to stop these tears from drowning my eyes. But he just shook his head with a loud sigh and also went to the car.

'Come on moron, get in the car!' Dougie yelled at me. I quickly dried my tears and took a deep breath to calm down and then ran after them.

I sat in the back of the car and stared out of the window while the others were joking around and laughing. I used the sit with Tom up front but that changed months ago and I had to switch places with Dougie.

When we arrived back at the house we all went to the living room, like the tradition, to discuss the night.

'I'll get some drinks' Tom said. 'Dougie, Harry the usual?' He added while already walking into the kitchen.

He intentionally didn't ask me and the others didn't say anything either. They didn't even look at me. It was like I wasn't even there, like I was invisible or just air. Things were getting too much for me but I quietly stood up and went to my room so it wouldn't show that I was upset. But once I was there I let my tears run freely.

What did I ever do to be treated like this? We used to be best friends and do everything together, what changed? What did I do that was so horrible for them to treat me this way?

I looked at the photo on my nightstand. It was the four of us during our first number one single: five colors in her hair. I stroke the photo with my hand.

'I miss you' I said while another teardrop fell down my cheeks.

While putting it back I noticed my suitcase standing besides my closet. Maybe I should just leave? They don't want me anymore. Tom said so himself multiple times.

I packed my bags and looked around in my room. It's for the better that I'm leaving. I can't stay here where I'm obviously not wanted. I've been hurt enough, I need to get out.

I went downstairs and found the guys still in the living room. 'Guys?' I said a little hoarse from crying. In the meanwhile my heart started racing in my chest. How will they react when I tell them I'm leaving? What will they do?

But they didn't respond. 'Guys?' I repeated a little louder this time but still not one of them bothered to stop talking and look at me.

'I'm leaving' I said firm. But when there still was no reaction it hurt so much that my hand was already on the doorknob, ready to leave. But I couldn't. I couldn't leave like that. Without giving a proper goodbye even if they don't deserve one.

I decided to write a letter for them to find when I'm gone. I placed it on the kitchen table in the fruit basket.

Then I took my bags and opened the door to close it right back behind me. It felt scary leaving them after living so many years together. But they've hurt me too much and for too long. They didn't give me any other solution than to leave.

After a deep breath I turned around and there I was alone, at our front porch, not knowing what to do or where to go.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

**TOM POV**

I turned around in my bed and moaned. My stomach was hurting from the many beers I drank last night. I squeezed my eyes open a little to look at the clock. It was 10 in the morning but I only went to bed at 5 o'clock.

I turned back around and tried to get some more sleep when I suddenly remembered we have an interview at the local radio station at 10.30 am.

My eyes shot wide open and I jumped out of bed. I was rapidly putting my clothes on when I ran down the hall to wake the rest of the boys up. I knocked on Dougie's door and went in.

'Dougie?' I whispered. Dougie replied only with a groan.

'We have an interview at 10.30'

'So?'

'It's 10 o'clock!'

It took a second or two before Dougie realized what I just said but then he jumped out of bed and made himself ready.

I went to Harry's room to do the same and when he jumped out of his bed I went to Danny's door. I just knocked on the door with my fist and yelled. 'Get up we have an interview!'

10 minutes later I was ready and went downstairs where I found Dougie in the kitchen and Harry sitting on the countertop.

'Ready?' I asked

'Yeah, just putting this back' Dougie said and when he took the carton of milk it slipped out of his hands and onto the floor.

'Damned!' He said and took a rag to clean it up.

'Leave it' I said 'Danny will clean it up when we get back'

'Speaking of Danny' Harry said looking around. 'Where is he?'

Both me and Dougie looked around but there was no one else but us three. I felt the anger bubbling in my veins.

'The lazy pig is still in bed!' I said angry. 'I'm gonna kill him!' I said and wanted to run upstairs when there was a hand put on my chest.

**HARRY POV**

I stood before Tom with my hand against his chest. I looked into his furious eyes which scared me. I've never seen him so angry.

'I'll go get Danny. You just calm down alright? 'I said calm.

'Fine' Tom said through his teeth. I lowered my hand and ran upstairs to Danny's room.

'Danny?' I asked knocking on the door. When he didn't answer I tried again but there was no reply.

I turned the knob and went inside to find an empty room and an unslept bed. For a few seconds I stared through the room, I couldn't believe my eyes.

'He's gone' I said to myself. Then I ran back to the stairs and yelled down. 'HE'S GONE!'

'What do you mean he's gone?' Tom yelled back

'He left, all of his things are gone!'

'What are we gonna do now?' I heard Dougie ask Tom while I came back down.

'Nothing, we wanted him gone and now he is. It a present. Look the car is here, we have to go now.'

'But..'

'No buts Dougie, let's go' Tom said and went outside.

Dougie looked at me. I saw in his eyes that this was never his intention. He never wanted Danny to actually leave.

'McFly is his life' he said to me

'I know'

'Come on guys, it's ice cold out here!' Tom yelled before we could say anything else. I went outside and looked through our, now white, street. It has been freezing and snowing day and night the last week.

I started to get worried. Winter is coming fast and even harder than usual. Does he even have a place to stay? Where has he gone to? I just hope he isn't sleeping on the streets.

The car ride was long and quiet. Except for Tom, he couldn't be any more cheerful. He's so glad Danny's gone that I just wanted to yell at him for scaring away our mate. But I couldn't do that because I know that I'm just as much to blame for Danny's department as he is.

I may not have bullied him as much as Tom or Dougie have but I didn't do anything to stop them either! What kind of a person does that make me?

'Where is Danny?'

Those three words brought me right back to reality. I hadn't even noticed that we had arrived and doing the interview. All I was and could think about was Danny. Wondering if he's even safe.

'He actually le..' Tom started but I interrupted.

'We left him back home, he wasn't feeling so well'

The interviewer expressed her sympathy and hoped he would feel better soon.

If she even knew, if anyone even knew what we did to him.. I can't even think about what will happen!

When we came back home Fletch, our manager, was waiting for us with a bottle of champagne and the biggest smile on his face.

'Congratulations guys! Last night was a big hit, not one single bad review!' He said to us but then frowned. 'Where's Danny?'

'He errm..' I started

'He's gone' Tom said smiling and took a glass of champagne.

'Gone?' Fletch asked confused.

'Yeah, gone'

The smile had now completely disappeared from Fletch's mouth. 'Then go find him' He said keeping his anger contained.

'No way, we finally got rid of him' Tom said but then Fletch abruptly stood up which surprised us all.

'I don't want to hear another word! I want you to find him and you better find him fast, you hear me? If you don't, you can kiss your record deal goodbye and don't think I don't mean it!' He yelled angry and slammed the door behind him.

I knew he was right. We have bring him back fast. I have to tell my mate that I'm sorry for everything.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

**DOUGIE POV**

It was late at night and I was still downstairs watching television without even watching. Tom and Harry had already gone to bed. But I couldn't, I couldn't go to my room without passing Danny's and that was what I was trying to avoid.

I know I hated him but I can't remember why. And now I suffer the consequences of my actions with an overpowering guilt that I can't live with.

I don't recognize myself anymore knowing I bullied someone so hard that he couldn't take it anymore and left. Because I know what it's like to be bullied. I've been bullied all the way through school. Tom, Danny and Harry were the only ones who accepted me for who I really am and I thank Danny by bullying him myself? That's not who I am!

He's already gone for a day and the house doesn't seem like home anymore without him. I miss his presence around me. I miss laugh which I haven't heard for so long and it pained me to know that I was the reason for his hurt.

I turned off the TV and took a deep breath for courage. Slowly I went up the stairs and when I came to Danny's room I stopped.

I stared at the door which was slightly open. With a trembling hand and a racing heartbeat I pushed the door further. I looked behind me in the hallway and stepped backwards into the room, closing the door immediately. I didn't want Tom or Harry to see me.

I turned around and looked through the empty room. It was so typical Danny. Junk lying around everywhere you look. It made me think about all the great times we had in here.

I let out a sigh of sadness when I gently let my hand go over his shelve of DVD's. Most of them I had given to him and watched together. The fact that he had left them was another cut to the heart.

'Hard, isn't it?'

I looked shocked around to see Harry sitting in the corner next to the bed.

'Harry! What are you doing here?'

'I can ask you the same question' Harry said serious but I noticed he had been crying.

'I eerm.. I just came to.. I don't know' I stuttered

'You don't know?' Harry narrowed his eyes. 'Do you even know how you made him feel every day for the past 236 days?'

'236 days?' I asked with a small voice.

'Did you know Danny kept a journal?' Harry said holding a book in the air.

'N.. No'

'He began the first day you and Tom started bullying him and he stopped the day he left. Wait let me read something to you'

'That's not necessary' I said. I was afraid for what I was going to hear but Harry didn't listen.

'It's a poem called "Stupid smile" from day number 33. I warn you it's not a pretty one'

Damn, stupid smile  
on my stupid, ugly face.  
My stupid, little heart  
is now an empty place.

My fake, stupid smile  
isn't happy, but cold.  
'Cause my heart is slowly dying  
and that's all your fault.

Tears appeared in my eyes and started to drown them. I had no idea he was hating himself because of me.

'Here's another one. Day 105, it's called "I'm sorry"' Harry said and read the next poem to me.

I'm sorry I'm not smart enough.  
I'm sorry I'm too loud.  
I'm sorry I'm not good enough.  
I'm sorry you can't be proud.  
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.  
I'm sorry that I cry  
I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough  
or as thin as you'd like me to be.  
I'm sorry for my careless mistakes.  
I'm sorry for being just me..

'But wait, there's another one' Harry said and flipped through the pages of Danny's journal.

'No! Please stop!' I said crying

'Stop? You didn't stop. Tom didn't stop. So why should I?'

'Please!' I begged 'I can't take it anymore'

'Give me one good reason why you hate him and treated him this way? I just need one reason' Harry said cold

'I don't know' I said sobbing

'Come on Dougie, one reason!'

'I don't know! I just.. I don't know, Tom just started to bully him from one day to the other and.. It scared me how hard and mean he could be. I thought that if I defended Danny he would bully me too and you know that I've been bullied almost my entire life, I just was so afraid that it will start all over again!'

Harry was quiet for a few seconds and looked at me differently. He wasn't looking angry anymore.

'So you just went along with Tom?'

'I didn't know what else to do to defend myself from Tom's bullying. Besides I didn't see you do anything against him either!' I replied to his blaming question.

'No I didn't' Harry said with regret in his voice. 'I was scared for Tom too. But we have to get him back Dougie. I'll do whatever it takes to tell Danny I'm sorry'

'I know, me too. I can't live with what I've done to him. Just one problem though.. Tom'


	4. Chapter 4

4.

**TOM POV**

I woke up with a smile on my face. For a few more minutes I enjoyed the quietness before I took a shower.

I'm so glad Danny's gone. I hated it when he was around. I hated it when he was pulling of his lame jokes. I hated it when he forgot his words, or messed up guitar solos. I hate him, so much!

And now with him gone I can relax because finally Mcfly will reach its full potential, that, I was sure of.

When I came downstairs Dougie and Harry were already up and sitting in the living room whispering to each other. I didn't think much of it because next month is my birthday and they'll probably be planning a surprise, maybe even a thank you party for getting rid of Danny.

I went to the kitchen and pored myself a coffee. I sat down on the kitchen table and enjoyed Danny's empty seat with a smile on my face.

'Oh no' I heard Dougie suddenly say.

'What is it?' I asked going to the living room. Both Dougie and Harry looked at me with shocked or worried faces. I couldn't make out what emotion had the upper hand.

Dougie reached out his hand which was holding a magazine. Frowning I took it over from him and read the headline:

"Danny Jones bullied out of Mcfly"

'Alright, who blabbed?' I asked raising my voice a little.

'It wasn't us!' Harry replied. Annoyed that he was being accused of doing something he didn't do.

'I did it' Fletch's voice said from behind them. He had just come in and heard their conversation.

'Why would you do that?' I yelled while throwing the magazine hard on the table.

'I told you that you had to get Danny back but since you haven't I see no use in keeping my mouth shut'

Harry, Dougie and I all looked at each other. Harry and Dougie with a more guilty face than me.

'We don't want him back!' I said

'I want him back' Dougie said just loud enough for everyone to hear.

'What? I thought you were glad that he's gone?'

'I'm not anymore. I hate myself for what I've done to him'

'So do I' Harry said

I looked shocked at my two band mates who betray me at a time I need their backup. 'I can't believe this' I said 'You bullied him too you know, it wasn't just me!'

'I know' Dougie looked down with regret on his face and Harry gave him a tap on his back.

'We have to get him back Tom and you know it'

'No we don't!' I yelled

'Without Danny there is no record deal anymore' Fletch said cold.

'We'll find another record company' I said

'Why don't you want him back?' Harry asked soft and calm.

'BECAUSE I HATE HIM! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT?'

Harry narrowed his eyes and looked at me while shaking his head. 'Who are you?'

'Fine if you want him back, get him back but I'll be gone!' I said and walked offended to my room. I ran up and down in my chamber with this anger that was bubbling in my veins.

Now they want Danny back? Really, NOW? When they had months the time to tell me they didn't want him to leave? I've said to Danny so many times that I wanted him gone and no one ever said something!

I stopped abruptly when I heard knocking on my door. 'Tom, it's me. I just want to talk' Harry said and entered. He closed the door back behind him and appeared very calm when he sat down on my bed.

'What?' I asked biting as he just sat there in silence looking at me.

'When did you start to hate Danny?' He asked

'I don't know. Perhaps I've hated him all along'

'You know that's not true'

I sighed and sat down next to Harry.

'You were best friends Tom'

'I know' I whispered. 'But now I hate him'

Harry sighed annoyed. Like it was impossible to talk to me. 'Here' He said giving me an envelope.

'What's this?' I asked

'Dougie and I found it this morning. Read it and then we'll talk again' Harry said and left me.

I turned the envelope and saw Danny's handwriting saying: "Guys"

For a minute I wanted to rip the envelope in two. I pressed my eyes together and was ready to rip it but I couldn't for some reason. I sighed and opened it instead.

"_Guys_

_I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for whatever it is that I've done that's so horrible for you all to turn your backs on me. But most of all I am sorry for not reaching your expectations of me. I know that I'm an ugly and fat moron without any brain which you've called me so many times. I am below you, not worthy of you and therefore I'll do you this favor by leaving. And like you wish, you won't hear from me ever again. _

_And Tom, if you're even reading this.. I did it especially for you. _

_Danny" _

I was glad I was already sitting down when I read his last sentence. It hit me so hard that it felt like a smack in the face.

Suddenly I saw Danny back as I used to do. He wasn't just a guitar player that happened to have a good voice. No, he was my best friend that happened to have an amazing voice AND could play guitar like no one else I know!

'What have I done?' I asked myself whispering and put my hands before my eyes when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. By the way it was held so firmly I knew it was Harry.

'Are you alright?' He asked

'It went way beyond my control' I said taking my hands away which revealed drowning eyes.

'What do you mean?'

'I hated how he made me feel so I was mean to him to make him back off. But it didn't work. The feelings.. They didn't go away. The only solution was to burry all of my feelings away and become this angry cold monster' I said gesturing to all of me.

'Feelings?' Harry asked confused.

'I think I love him Harry'


	5. Chapter 5

5.

**HARRY POV**

'But I'm not gay Harry!' I can't be!' Tom yelled at me after I told him there's nothing wrong with being gay.

'Why not?'

'I like girls, I've always liked girls'

'Have you ever felt for a girl what you're feeling for Danny now?' I asked

Tom remained silent for seconds while staring in front of himself. He looked serene but on the inside I know that he was having an inner struggle. From that point on I knew the answer to my question even though Tom didn't yet.

He looked at me with confusion in his eyes. 'No'

I smiled warmly at him thinking he's finally accepting himself, his nature but then I noticed a change in his attitude.

'But what's the point in realizing that I'm gay if there isn't any chance of my best friend loving me in return? What do I get out of it besides hurt?' He asked while pacing around the room.

'He's not your best friend anymore Tom. You've made sure of that'

Suddenly Tom froze and looked surprised at me. I figure he probably didn't think that would be so direct with him. But now I had his attention I had to go on.

'And what did Danny get out of your friendship besides hurt?'

From Tom's facial expression I could make out that he was finally seeing that what he had been doing to Danny was wrong even if he just wanted to protect himself.

'Even if Danny doesn't love you back I know he won't desert you or treat you any differently. Danny would do his best to understand you and listen to you when you need a listening ear. He will do anything for you Tom, just like he always has. Telling him you love him won't change any of that. In fact it might just strengthen your bond'

'Not after everything I've done' Tom said shaking his head.

'That's why we need to find him and tell him we're sorry and love him'

'GUYS COME QUICK!' Suddenly Dougie yelled. Tom and I quickly ran downstairs in the direction of his voice and found him in the living room.

'It's even on the news!' He said shocked to us and turned up the volume.

The three of us stood perplexed staring at the television while the presenter told so many details on how we treated Danny. Even details from which we thought no one else except us four knew about but obviously Fletch knew and had seen a lot more than we thought. When Danny was no longer the subject Dougie turned it off and fell on the couch.

'This is bad, this is so bad' He said. 'And in the magazine there are even more details. It even knows about the time Tom hit Danny because he had forgotten his lyrics'

**TOM POV**

I was still peering at the TV screen too shocked to even move or breath when Dougie's words reached my mind. Immediately the images of me hitting Danny appeared before my eyes but this time I noticed the pain and tears in his eyes.

I couldn't take it anymore and blinked the images away to concentrate on what was happing now. Harry was currently sitting next to Dougie sayings comforting words. But I fear Harry may just take everything too lightly. Danny won't forgive us so easily when we tell him we're sorry. And he won't be able to understand why I did it, why I couldn't love him.

I felt how tears appeared in my eyes and I quickly ran up to my room. I searched between the covers of my bed for my phone and when I found it I rapidly searched for Danny's name in my phonebook.

I held the phone with a trembling hand to my ear while walking circles.

'You've reached Danny Jones. I'm not here right now so leave a message!'

I put down my phone and immediately felt a lot calmer. Because even though I didn't get to speak with Danny, the sound of his voice alone was soothing.

I called him again and again and again just to hear him talking to me.

'I've tried calling him but his phone is switched off' Harry said from behind me around the tenth time I called Danny. When I turned around Dougie was standing in my room as well.

'I thought it was worth the try' I said nervous. I felt my cheeks turning red. I couldn't tell them that I already knew that and that I was calling for another reason.

'Harry filled me in' Dougie said. 'It all makes sense now' He added

'Dougie and I are going to drive around to search for Danny, are you coming?'

'Yeah of course!' I said and therewith took my car keys of my nightstand.

We divided the surrounded area in three and were ready to go when Dougie opened the door and closed it again.

'What's wrong?' I asked Dougie who had widened eyes.

'There are fans outside with signs and throwing things at the house' He said.

'We can't go outside' Harry said defeated

'Yes we can' I said strong. I opened the door and ran as fast as I could to my car which was written on with abusive words. But I didn't mind because I know they just care about Danny and I realize that I deserve the punishment.

In my side mirror I saw that Dougie and Harry followed my example and underwent the same treatment. I felt a little guilty, especially for Harry, because they don't deserve to be tackled as hard as I do.

I shared looks with Dougie and Harry and we all nodded at each other. We started our cars and drove off in the agreed direction to begin the search for our best friend.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

**DOUGIE POV**

I just got home from another search for Danny and immediately went to the kitchen to have some water. Tom and Harry are still looking for him, doing their areas. Mine was quite short so I'm finished sooner.

I sat down in the couch and just breathe out very hard. I was tired, tired of all the searching but I wasn't planning on giving up. I was just about to put the TV on when the doorbell rang.

I sighed and went to the door hoping it weren't any haters, they come around often lately.

But my mouth fell open and a smile started to rise from my mouth corners when seeing his familiar face. That smile soon vanished again when I noticed how pale he was, his skin was almost see through. And his eyes.. They weren't blue anymore they were white-grayish so were his lips.

A cold shiver went all the way through my body when thinking that was exactly what I imagine death to be like.

'You didn't search for me' Danny said sounding a bit demonic.

'We did I mean are! We're searching for you day and night mate!' I said immediately

'You didn't find me' He then said

'But you're here now.. We can fix everything. We're so sorry Danny!'

'It's a bit late to apologize now don't you think?' He said gesturing to himself. 'I just came to take you all with me to the grave' He added, smiled evilly and suddenly stretched his mouth so widely and his teeth grew so large and sharp and that's when he came to me and bit me.

I suddenly was sitting in our couch breathing heavily. Like a maniac I looked around to see if Danny was here but when I saw Harry lying in the other couch I realized I was just dreaming.

I let myself fall back in the couch and put my hands in my hair. I'm being tortured by nightmares about a demonic or dead Danny for weeks now. And every time they get worse and worse.

I let myself calm down and looked at Harry who was still snoozing. It was early in the morning and Harry and I had searched all night for Danny but there still was no sign from him anywhere.

Suddenly I heard the door open and Tom came in and immediately went into the kitchen. I tip towed into the kitchen as well so Harry could sleep some more.

'Happy Birth..'

'Don't' Tom said before I could finish. 'There isn't anything happy about it, it's just a day as another'

'Sorry' I mumbled. I should have known he wouldn't want to hear it when Danny is still missing.

'Oh god you look horrible' I said when I got a good look at Tom. His clothes were full off rotten eggs and tomatoes from the haters outside our house but apart from that he looked exhausted. His eyes were bloodshot red and he had big purple bags under his eyes.

'Take a look at yourself' He replied a bit annoyed. 'You look like you've just seen a ghost'

I smiled the comment away. I hadn't told either of them about my nightmares nor was I planning to. It was my burden to bear.

'Take some rest mate' I said making Tom the topic of the conversation again.

'No I'm going straight back for another search'

'You've been searching day and night for the past weeks Tom, you need rest'

'No, the more I rest the more Danny is out there, alone, scared, hurt and god knows what else. I have to find him Dougie no matter what!'

I sighed. 'I know. We all want to find Danny as soon as possible but you can't help him if you're exhausted. Please just go to your room for an hour or two and sleep a little'

'I can't' Tom said while trying to pass me but I deliberately stood in his way.

'Please?' I asked again

Tom first looked at me angry but then he sighed and said 'Fine. I'll go to my room but only for half an hour and then I'm going back, alright?'

I smiled 'Thanks'

**TOM POV**

I laid down on my bed in my room but I couldn't sleep. I can't sleep as long as Danny is out there all by himself, probably scared and helpless maybe he's even wounded. I don't dare to think about all the things that might happen to him, it makes me so restless and so scared and worried more than I already am.

For weeks I've been searching nonstop. I search every street, every park or abandoned house just in the hope of finding him or finding a clue about his whereabouts. But nothing has come out of it. It's like he just vanished off the earth.

I took my mobile from my nightstand and called Danny again, for the hundreds time. I needed to hear his voice to remind myself that he _is_ out there somewhere waiting for us.

I shot straight in bed when it didn't go instantly to voicemail but it was actually ringing! My heart started pounding harder and faster in my throat.

Suddenly the ringing stopped and I heard nothing anymore. 'Danny?' I asked but there came no answer. I frowned and listened more attentively. On the background I heard cars and slight sobbing.

'Danny? Danny are you there? Tell me where..'

'Happy birthday' Danny said cutting me off and leaving me lost for words. His voice was broken and trembling but I heard that he tried to sound cheerful.

'I'm sorry' He said after a few seconds of silence.

'No Danny, _I'm_ sorry' I said when I could finally talk again. 'Where are y…'

'Goodbye' Danny said and right after that I heard a loud crash and then.. Nothing.

'Danny?' I asked getting scared. I now heard people on the background being all panicky but there came no reply.

'Danny? Danny please answer me' Tears started to drown my eyes and falling down my cheeks. But I started to really panic when an ambulance arrived at the scene.

'No..Danny DANNY!'

* * *

**Sorry for the later update than usual! Been really busy lately but hope the next chapter won't take too long! **


	7. Chapter 7

7.

**DANNY POV**

I slowly opened my eyes but I couldn't see anything, everything was black. I couldn't even see the contours of my own body but every limp of me was there, I know because I checked. There were no walls as far as I could tell and feel nor was there a ceiling. A floor however was there, at least I think, I can sit on it, jump on it and even lay down on it. And as I was lying down I noticed there was not a single sound. No wind blowing in my face or birds singing their songs. It was quiet, too quiet for my liking. I looked around in the darkness as it suddenly hit me that I was completely on my own.

I frowned while trying to remember how I got here in the first place. My eyes widened when it all came back to me and I wondered..

_Am I dead? _

**HARRY POV**

I yawned when I woke up from my nap and stretched extensively. My watch passed my eyes and my mouth dropped when I read the time. I couldn't believe I slept all the way through the morning.

In my eye corners I saw Dougie sitting on the other couch. 'Good morning' I said still sounding sleepy.

'More like afternoon' Dougie said cheeky. 'Finally awake are we?'

'For this one time it isn't you who overslept'

Dougie smiled widely 'Just teasing you mate!'

'Yeah yeah, by the way is Tom back yet?'

'Yeah he's upstairs'

'Getting ready to get back out there?' I said gesturing with my head to the door.

'No actually he went to get some rest, I asked him to'

'NO WAY! I've been asking him to rest for days and you ask him once and he does it? How did you do that?'

'It's called natural charm. A phenomenon you have or you don't and clearly you don't' Dougie said serious but with the familiar playfulness in his eyes. The playfulness which had been gone for a while now and I was glad I saw it again.

'Is that so?' I asked smiling and slowly stood up to rapidly run after him saying 'Now you've done it mate!'

I caught him and rubbed with my knuckles over his head, both of us smiling like idiots. This was the first time we actually genuinely had a good time since Danny had left but our smiles disappeared when Tom came running to us.

''! I think something happened to him, something really bad!'

Only the last sentence Dougie and I could understand so I grabbed Tom by his shoulders and said 'Calm down Tom. Breath and slowly tell us what happened'

'There's no time we have to get him!'

'Where?' Dougie asked assuming Tom knew Danny's location.

'I.. I don't know! There were cars in the background.' He said desperately

'That tip doesn't really reduce our searching ground' Dougie said sarcastic

'Background?' I asked ignoring Dougie. 'You called him?'

'That's what I told you but you're not listening to me!' Tom said frustrated

'Alright so tell us again and we'll listen this time'

Tom looked us in the eyes and knew he had our attention this time and told us what happened. Dougie and I were instantly in the same hysterical and panic state Tom was in when he first came to us. We wanted to desperately help him but we didn't know where to begin! We felt restless and helpless, what we felt all along but now we actually had a clue we couldn't do anything about it!

Suddenly the doorbell rang and I opened to see Fletch standing in the doorway looking very scruffy.

'You know' He said looking at my still scared face.

'What do you know?' I asked

'I just got a call from a doctor.. Danny's in hospital, he's..' Fletch swallowed before he could continue. 'In critical condition'

'What happened?' I asked while the boys joined me when they heard Fletch.

'He.. Had an accident'

'Let's go' Tom said passing me and Fletch in the doorway. Dougie and I immediately ran after him but Fletch didn't.

'I'll join you guys later' He said 'I have to deal with some things first.'

**DOUGIE POV**

Harry drove us to the hospital and while doing so he didn't follow any of the traffic regulations but I didn't mind, I just wanted to get to Danny as fast as possible. I don't care what rules we have to break to do so.

At the hospital we ran to the reception and asked for Danny. The young woman pointed at a doctor and without listening to her we grabbed the doctor and asked:

'Danny Jones sir'

The doctor first looked dazzled but then turned professional again. 'Let's go to my office' He said and we followed him into a small room. The doctor sat down but we all kept standing.

'Danny has a few broken ribs, suffered great blood loss, has some big bruises and swelling on the brain from a severe trauma on his head. We're keeping him in a coma to reduce this swelling.'

'Brain swelling?' I asked frowning.

'Brain swelling increases the pressure inside your skull. That's known as intracranial pressure or ICP. This pressure can prevent blood from flowing to your brain, which deprives your brain of the oxygen it needs to function. Swelling can also block other fluids from leaving your brain, making the swelling even worse. Damage or death of brain cells may result out of this.'

'How long will he be kept in a coma?' Tom asked almost whispering

'As long as it takes to reduce the swelling'

'Can we see him now?' Harry asked

'I'm afraid there's something else I have to tell you before I can allow you in.'

The serious tone of his voice scared me as well as Tom and Harry who nodded and the doctor continued.

'What happened to Danny was no accident..'

'What do you mean?' I asked cutting the man off.

'Danny's wrists are both cut even before he threw himself in front of a car'

'Cut? Threw? Are you saying that Danny tried to.. _Kill himself_?' Harry asked having a great trouble speaking those last two words out loud.

'Yes Danny tried to commit suicide'

Tom fell down on the chair which was behind him and Harry put his hands before his eyes and turned away while I kept looking at the doctor waiting for him to say that it was a sick joke. But as the seconds ticked away I slowly came to realize he wasn't kidding.


	8. Chapter 8

8.

**TOM POV**

We stood before Danny's room and I was the first one to get here but as I was standing before his door I was hesitant to open it. I was scared for what I was about to see. How bad will he look?

'Just open the damn door already!' Harry said annoyed behind me. The power in his voice surprised me and I opened the door immediately.

Right before us was a bed where Danny was lying in and a few machines around him. As we got closer I saw that his chest was taped in for his broken ribs and so were his wrists, where he had cut them.

I had to swallow at that sight, although I was expecting him to be taped in it was still hard to see it up close what injuries he had done to himself.

When my eyes arrived at his face they started to tear up. He was pale and had a cut on his forehead but that wasn't what made me cry. It was the fact that he had tried to end his life all because of my doings. And I asked myself again how I could have treated him the way I did.

My hand was on the bar of his bed just above Danny's hand. My fingers slowly stretched towards his hand, they almost touched when suddenly the door opened and the nurse entered.

'Oh..' She said surprised 'You're here'

Harry looked confused at me and Dougie. 'Why wouldn't we be?'

'I don't know maybe because you're the reason why he's even in here' She said firm and saw our shocked faces. 'Yeah I've watched the news and read the magazines. What you've done is unforgivable! I hope Danny knows that and will never associate with you again. He's better off without "friends" like you anyway.'

'You don't know anything about our situation! You don't even know us!' Dougie said raising his voice. It was confronting the way she talked to us but it was so painful because it was the truth. If Danny is smart he will never forgive us for what we've done to him. But in every piece of our hearts we hope he does.

'I do know you, all too well. I've been a fan of you since your beginning and I loved your friendship most about you. I always wanted to have friends like that but as it turns out your friendship isn't that great after all'

'No that's not true' I said and her eyes suddenly focused on me alone. They pierced deep down in me, in my soul.

'You used to be my favorite because you're so loving and kind but turns out you're the worst out of all of you. I regret I spend 8 years loving you, what a waste' She said with a face as if she had to be sick. She didn't give us another look and wrote down Danny's temperature and blood pressure and left again.

I looked at Dougie and Harry who were taken back down on their two feet as am I. It was a wake up call reminding us that Danny won't forgive and forget when he sees us standing by his bed when he wakes up.

I focused my attention back on Danny and placed my hand on his while my other hand caressed his forehead.

'She's right' Harry said breaking the silence.

Dougie and I looked at him and were astonished with the angry look on his face which was directed to me.

'This _is_ your entire fault' He added. 'You were the one that put him in here, not me and not Dougie. Only you. And we are all taking the blame for it. For you.. Why do we do that?'

Blinking got harder because I got tears in my eyes. I couldn't believe it was Harry who would turn his back on me. Harry, the one who pushed me to see sense and understood my situation. Harry, the one that was compassionate and caring all the way through this.

'Stop Harry' Dougie said tough 'We're all to blame for this, not just Tom. We all played a part in this'

I was glad Dougie stepped for I was too upset to reply even though I know I kinda, somewhere, deserved Harry's outbreak.

'We can't fight right now, we have to stick together!' Dougie continued.

'I can't do that. I'm sorry Dougie but I blame him for what happened' Harry said referring to me and left the room.

'I'll handle it, don't worry' Dougie said to me with a warm smile and followed Harry.

I was alone now with Danny and I let my tears run freely. 'He's right, isn't he Danny? I'm the main reason you left, you said so yourself in your letter. And I'm the main reason you tried to end your life too right? I know it is, deep down.. Please come back Danny. I want to tell you how sorry I am. I will do anything you want to make it right again, anything! But just come back to us, please?'

**DANNY POV**

I was lying in the darkness with my hands behind my head singing Mr. Writer when I suddenly heard a voice. A male voice but that was all I could tell because it was deformed. It was like I was under water and the voice was talking to me from above. But I could tell that it was crying.

I stood up and tried to walk towards the voice but no matter what direction I took I didn't get any closer. So I sat back down and listened. I wondered what he was telling me. The one thing I could understand was my name, that's as far as my hearing skills went.

But even though I couldn't understand it, it was soothing to know that I wasn't alone anymore in this big dark hole.


	9. Chapter 9

9.

**DOUGIE POV**

It was 4 am and I sat in a fauteuil next to Danny's bed looking at Tom who was sitting on the other side. His head was lying on Danny's mattress and he was still holding his hand. I sighed quietly at the sleeping boy hoping he won't get his hopes up too much for getting Danny's forgiveness. What he has done.. No, what _we_ have done is too hardcore.

My head turned to Harry who was sleeping as well in a fauteuil. He had the same concerned look on his face which he had since the doctor said Danny tried to kill himself. He hasn't spoken much since then apart from the fight with Tom and me.

'_What's gotten into you?' I asked Harry and closed the door behind me so Tom wouldn't hear us. _

'_She's right!' Harry replied referring to the nurse who was in the room earlier. 'They are all right' This time referring to the media and fans. 'This is Tom's fault!'_

'_It's not' I said_

'_Yes it is! It was Tom who ignored Danny, it was Tom who hit him and it was Tom who called him names.'_

'_And what did you do?' _

'_I did nothing!' _

'_Exactly' I said firm. 'You know, a person seeing someone being bullied and not doing anything about it is sometimes considered worse than the actual bully so you might want to think twice before you're going to blame Tom for this' _

_Harry looked directly into my eyes, which were angry at the moment, with a face that in my dictionary is describe as heartbreaking. 'I'm a horrible person' He said while his voice started to break. _

_I ran up to my band mate and pulled him into a hug. 'No you're not' I said and held him a little tighter. 'You're a compassionate and caring friend who I would never want to lose in my life' _

_Harry pulled himself out of the hug and winked a tear away. 'I don't want to lose you either, nor Tom' _

_I smiled warmly 'Then let's us stick together and support each other' _

'Dougie!'

I heard my name being called in the distance and when I opened up my eyes I realized I had fallen asleep.

'Rise and shine sleeping beauty' Harry said with a big smile right before my eyes. I pushed his face away and moaned.

'For a second I thought I had a nightmare seeing your ugly face so up close'

Harry laughed amused. 'Do I detect a morning mood?'

'Go away' I said annoyed which only made Harry laugh harder.

'Good morning chaps!' Fletch said awfully cheerful when he came in the room.

'Great another morning person' I growled.

'Ignore him, he just woke up' Harry said still smiling.

'So how's Danny doing?' Fletch asked, this time not so cheerful.

'The same' Tom said who was still sitting by the bed and still holding Danny's hand. I couldn't help but think he's going to get his heart broken when Danny wakes up. And a broken heart is something I don't wish on anybody. I've been there and I can ensure you it's no joke.

'Come on guys, go home for an hour or two. Rest a little, take a shower, eat something. I'll look after Danny until you return ok?' Fletch said

'I'm not leaving him!' Tom yelled

'I'm sorry Fletch but we're not going anywhere' Harry said and I nodded in agreement.

'Alright, as long as you're sure' Fletch replied. In the meanwhile the doctor came in. We all followed him to Danny's bed and watched him examine Danny.

After writing something down he turned to us. 'I think it's time to wake him up'

**TOM POV**

Harry, Dougie and I were waiting at Danny's bed for the doctor to return with a medicine to wake Danny up. Fletch had to leave already. He had a call from the office, there was something wrong but I don't remember what anymore. And it's not important either, the only thing that is important is that Danny's waking up!

'You hear that mate, you're coming back to us' Harry said enthusiastic to Danny.

'Make room for the syringe' The doctor said when he came back.

Dougie and I moved away and the doctor injected the content of the syringe into Danny's arm.

'What now?' Dougie asked

'I'm afraid you're going to have to wait. It can take a few hours to take effect' He said and left again.

'Let's reminisce' I said 'Maybe that will help to wake him up sooner'

Harry and Dougie agreed immediately and Dougie was the one to start.

'Remember the Transylvania video? I had so much fun making it. I love how Harry was so jealous of Danny because he could be a soldier and Harry had to be a woman.' I giggled and looked at Harry who was remembering his horrible experiences as a woman.

I couldn't help but smile too as the memory flashed before my eyes. 'Or when Danny stuck his hand in your pants Harry!'

'Please don't remind me' Harry moaned.

'Oh come on you loved it' Dougie said smiling wide. 'Oh Danny!' He added trying to make it sound like Harry.

And that was the trigger to make us all start smiling and laughing hysterically.

**DANNY POV**

I was still listening to the voice talking to me as two other voices joined in. The mood had obviously changed somehow. They all sounded so blue before but now they sounded happy. I heard the teasing in their voices and their laughter afterwards.

My name was said a couple of times again and I wondered if they were talking about me, making fun of me and that was why they were laughing. But even though that thought wandered through my mind I couldn't help but smile along as they were laughing. I didn't want to but it was so contagious.

My smile faded away as I suddenly saw a speck of light coming closer from the distance.

**TOM POV**

I was still giggling after Dougie told another memory of when we were still kids and were recording the obviously video and Danny had to let an old woman squeeze his bum.

While we were reminiscing our problems seemed so far away. Like they had just disappeared now that we were laughing about these memories.

But a long beeping sound made our smiles disappear from our faces and the problems were right back.


	10. Chapter 10

10.

**DANNY POV**

The little speck of light grew larger and brighter until it had taken over half of the darkness and stopped just before my feet. All this time I spend in the darkness I wished there was light but now it was here I was skeptic about it.

But it was so tempting, hypnotic in a way I can't describe. The voices which were my only companionship faded to a soft whisper, they no longer were my prior commitment. I raised my left foot slowly and carefully crossed the line between black and white. But as soon as my foot touched the white ground the voices gasped and started screaming of panic. They broke the hypnosis and I became aware of them once again.

I had an inner battle. These voices were here with me the whole way through but I don't know if I could trust them or if they just want to keep me in the dark. And all I wanted was to be in the light, the beautiful bright light that longed me.

I closed my eyes and just listened for a few seconds. Out of the three deformed voices, one was my favorite and that one just kept yelling my name over and over again. I heard hope in his voice, hope that I would stay. But it was fearful at the same time, fear that I would leave him and go to the light. And it was that fear and hope that changed my mind and I put my foot back to the other, in the dark.

But as I opened my eyes again I was blinded with light. I was disorientated, I thought I was back in the dark! I tried to move but there suddenly were hands holding me down. I panicked and tried to push them away.

'Danny! Danny it's okay' I heard a voice say. The fact that it wasn't deformed and that I could understand it made me freeze on the spot. My eyes slowly became used to the light and I noticed I was in a room, machines were attached to my body and a young woman and an elderly man dressed in white clothes were standing next to me.

'Where am I?' I asked frowning

'You're in hospital. Don't you remember your accident?' The man asked

I tried to recall the last memory I had before waking up in here. The only thing that flashed before my eyes were two headlights coming towards me. It was no accident. I had deliberately gone standing on that road when I saw the car appearing. I suddenly felt disappointed for waking up at all.

'Yeah, I remember' I said emotionless

'You've been in a coma for a while Danny, I have to test your memories. So I'm just going to ask a few questions if that's ok with you?'

'Fine' I said with the same blank face

'Can you tell me your full name?'

' Danny Alan David Jones'

'How old are you?'

'26'

'Where were you born?'

'Bolton'

'Great, seems like your memory is intact. You have your friends outside waiting for you, can I let them in?'

I looked at the doctor and turned my head slightly sideways. 'I don't have any friends'

**DOUGIE POV**

The waiting was unbearable. Harry and I were pacing down the hall while Tom sat down on the floor against the wall. No words were being said and no words were needed to understand each other's silence. We were all scared that we wouldn't have the chance to see him again, apologize or even talk.

When the door was suddenly opened we all raced to the doctor. 'Is he dead?' Tom asked. His face was preparing itself for an answer it didn't want to hear.

'He's alive' The doctor said and we all breathed out of relief and smiled.

'Can we see him?' I asked with the smile on my face. The serious look in the doctor's eyes however made it disappear again.

'We had to insist a little to get his approval but I have it, you can go in'

'W.. Wait, he didn't want to see us?' Harry asked with emphasis on didn't.

'No but the nurse persuade him'

I looked shocked at the nurse who was standing by a trolley and in my eye corners I saw that Harry and Tom had the same shocked faces. I couldn't believe that she was helping us while a few days ago she was against us, hated us for what we did and hoped that Danny hated us too. She saw us staring at her and she gave a warm smile and acted a little shy. She looked at the ground for a second and held her right arm with her left hand, pushing her shoulders together.

I smiled gratefully back and made my lips say thank you without voice. She responded with a small nod and then carried on with her work.

I brought my attention back to the closed door of Danny's room and sighed loudly.

'You ready?' Harry asked

'As I'll ever be' I said, waited another second or two and then opened the door.

Danny was lying in his bed as always but this time he was sitting up straight and looking outside the window. He didn't turn to us when we walked towards him. He didn't acknowledge our presence whatsoever and that made me swallow.

'Hey' I said trying to force a smile but my efforts were useless. I was too scared.

Danny didn't answer or made any signs that he heard us. I looked at Harry who's eyes were filling with tears and Tom was even worse. I saw that his eyes were already drowning. I was the only one who could control my tears and voice so it was my duty to carry on.

'We never meant for this to happen Danny. We never meant for it to go so far. We know we were in the wrong and all we want to do is make things right again.'

'No' Danny suddenly said with great force in his voice as his head turned to us. The hatred in his eyes made me stop breathing. 'You can't just waltz in here, tell me it was a mistake and expect me to forgive and forget!'

'No that's not..' I tried but Danny beat me to it.

'That's not even an apology for the past year almost of pain and misery, the confusion or the loneliness!'

'Danny..' It became harder to control my voice and I heard how it was starting to break.

'Just leave, please' He said while the anger on his face made room for sadness. He too was having a hard time to control his voice and his tears. He held his chest out of pain because he had abruptly sat even straighter.

'Go, now' He said when neither of us moved. The power in his voice made us unfreeze and we left the room, looking back to Danny a few times who couldn't hold in his tears any longer.


	11. Chapter 11

11.

**TOM POV**

'Thanks for the backup guys, I really appreciate it' Dougie said sarcastic and let himself slide off the wall to sit on the floor.

'Sorry' Harry said who still had tears in his eyes.

'No it's fine, don't worry' Dougie said immediately reassuring Harry that he wasn't angry. Dougie is a woos when it comes to tears and especially when it's Harry's tears because those are rare.

'Maybe one of us should go to Danny, that way he might not feel so attacked by us'

'Don't look at me, I already tried' Dougie said when Harry glazed in his direction. 'Besides I think Tom should go'

'What? Why?' I asked raising my voice a little

'If you tell him you love him I bet he's going to forgive us in a flash'

'I can't tell him'

'Why not?'

'I just can't alright, let Harry go' I said annoyed

'I think Dougie's right here Tom. You should go and tell him' Harry said calmly

'Do you really think he's going to understand when I explain?' I asked insecure

'Yeah, I really think so'

'So do I' Dougie laid his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it just a little. The warm and comforting smiles on both faces gave me courage to stand up.

'Alright' I said nervous 'Here it goes'

I opened the door slowly and immediately closed it behind me. Danny was sitting straight in his bed and quickly dried his eyes when I walked towards him.

'I..' I began but I couldn't go on. The little courage that the guys gave me disappeared in a flash as soon as I saw Danny's face up close. His eyes were red from crying and he looked so scared at me. His entire body was tensed up like he was already preparing himself for the things that I might say or do to hurt him again.

I tried to find the right words but seeing him look at me like that made me speechless. The thought that Danny is actually afraid of me made me feel sick.

There was a silence were we both just looked at each other. With me too paralyzed to say anything and he too scared to move a limb. The silence was unbearable as the only thing I heard was my own heart rapidly beating down my throat.

'I'm so sorry' I said eventually while tears appeared in my eyes.

'Don't lie to me' He said shaking his head slightly.

'N.. No I'm not'

Danny looked in another direction. He held his chest and made a face in pain while a tear fell down his cheek.

I had to swallow but I had to know. Although I'm probably not going to want to hear the answer. 'Why?'

Danny understood immediately to what I was referring and turned to me again. 'Because you took everything away from me Tom. My home, my family, my friends, my career, my hobby,.. You crushed my whole life as if it didn't mean anything to you'

My face clenched up, my lips quivered and my eyes stung. I couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard I tried. It weren't little tears but big tears which made my eyes puffy and my body heavy. There was nothing I could do or say for it hurt too much. His words cut my heart in little pieces like I had done to him and I understood now better than ever before how much pain I caused him, the one I love.

'I..' The three words were on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't say them out loud. 'I didn't mean to' I said instead

'You didn't mean to hit me? Or ignore me? Or didn't you mean the insults? How about the fact that I was degraded to a cleaning lady? Or better yet the threats before gigs? Did someone make you say and do all these things maybe?'

'No Danny.. Please'

'What is it that you want from me Tom?' He asked with a voice where anger, fear and sadness were blend together.

'That I come back home and act like nothing ever happened? So you can humiliate me some more? I don't think so!'

My throat was swollen and my face was entirely wet and red-stained from crying. I knew he had the right to be hurt and angry but it hurt so much. 'Please' I begged for him to stop. 'I'm sorry.. Please'

'It's a little late for that, don't you think?' He whispered softly. He didn't sound angry anymore, just hurt.

'I'd like to speak to Harry'

I only nodded for my throat hurt too much to speak. I slowly walked out and kept myself under control until I closed his door behind me.

'What happened?' Dougie asked shocked and worried to see me so completely broken.

I just ran towards the boy and wrapped my arms around him and cried hysterically to his shoulder. I felt how Dougie did the same and held me firmly to comfort me. 'Tell me what happened.'

'He hates me'


	12. Chapter 12

12.

**HARRY POV**

With an insecure little heart and trembling knees from nervosity I stood in the middle of Danny's room. After seeing in what state Tom was when he left here makes me wonder, but mostly fear, if I will be in the same state.

It's getting dark outside and the room was only lightened by the moon which hardened Danny's face as he was looking at me with narrowed eyes.

'Danny..' I managed to whisper 'I..'

'Listen Harry before you go on I just want to tell you that, although I wouldn't have done the same, I understand where you were coming from. You just didn't want to get bullied as well, did you?'

I must be dreaming was the only thought lingering through my mind for I had dreamt about this moment so many times.

'Are you saying that.. You're not mad at me?' I asked in disbelieve. Although I had dreamt that he'll forgive me so easily I simply could not believe it in real life.

'I was at first but now I'm not anymore. I understand your situation'

'But..'

'Do you want me to be mad at you? Because I can do that if that's what you prefer' Danny asked laughing.

'No' I said quickly before he could change his mind and before I actually realized he was joking. And as I was looking at him with that smile on his face I could not help myself but smile along. It has been too long since I saw him smile sincerely. It has been too long since he last joked around. And that little joke and little laugh was all it took to break the ice.

'Mates?' he asked

'Always' I grinned. 'Mate where have you been? We searched for you everywhere! You won't believe how much you were missed.'

'Missed? Out of someone to bully is more like it'

Danny's face hardened again and I wished I could take back my last sentence. I should have known that it was too soon to be talking about the guys in general. He said he understood my situation but he has no idea in what situation Tom or Dougie were but it's not my place to tell him, he needs to hear it from them.

'It's ok, never mind' he said when noticing my worried face and answered my other question. 'I was nowhere and everywhere at the same time'

'Do you mean you lived on the streets?' I asked shocked

'Well kinda.. The first few days I was but later I found an old little house just out of town. It was cold but at least I had shelter.'

'Oh mate, I'm so sorry'

'Don't be it was my own decision to leave'

'You can't go back out there, I won't let you! Please come home Danny. Where you belong.'

'I can't' Danny said sharp and through his teeth.

'Tom and Dougie?'

Danny simply nodded. 'Do you think you can ever forgive them?' I asked softly

'Someday I'll probably forgive them but I know for sure that I won't and can't ever forget what they've done to me. Therefore they've hurt me too much. And that's why I can't go home Harry. I don't want to live in a constant fear that one day they'll start again, no matter how sorry they may be now. They started from one day to the next and.. I just won't be able to handle going through the same thing as then. I.. I can't.' Danny said as he started to tear up near the end.

'But you do believe that they are sorry?'

'Maybe.. I don't know. They're probably sorry because I ended up in hospital.'

'No that's not true'

'Then tell me how it is that they've turned around again?'

'As much as I want to tell you Danny I can't, it's not my place. Just hear them out for a few minutes and maybe you'll get a whole new perspective on things, I know I did.'

'I don't know if I can hear them out without the memories of them bullying you flashing before my eyes. And that's what I'm trying to avoid. I want to leave them behind me and start again.'

'Do you really want that, leave them behind?' I asked without breath.

'It's the reason I left in the first place, to start again'

'But where will you go then?'

'I'll figure something out' He said raising his shoulders. And before I could argue with him on where he should go a nurse came in, a different one then before and I was glad because she could not put Danny against us anymore.

The girl with half long blond hair checked Danny's temperature and blood pressure. 'That's all good' She said smiling and then turned to me 'but I'm afraid visiting hours are over.'

'Can't we stay longer?' I asked taking out my puppy dog face.

'It's ok Harry, take Tom and Dougie and go home. Have some rest. There's always another day tomorrow and as you can see I'm not going anywhere'

I sighed. I didn't want to leave him, not again, not when everything is so good now. But Danny needs his rest if I want him to get better soon and maybe, just maybe I can convince him tomorrow to come home with us when he's released.

'See you tomorrow then'

'Yeah mate, tomorrow'

I left the room together with the nurse to find Tom and Dougie anxiously waiting for me.

'What happened, what did he say?' A hysterical Tom asked

'He's not mad anymore..'

I watched how both their faces cleared up in the middle of my sentence and how smiled started to rise from their mouth corners. I hate to break them down again but I had to.

'At me' I finished. 'He's not mad at me'


	13. Chapter 13

13.

**TOM POV**

I stared at the ceiling while lying awake in bed. It was already early in the morning and I hadn't slept at all. Danny's hurt and angry face appeared every time I closed my eyes and I was too afraid to face him, even in a dream.

A knocking sound broke my thoughts and in my eye corners I saw my bedroom door open. I didn't need to look to know who it was so I kept staring at a very dirty spot on my ceiling which I pretended to be very interested in. I felt how the bed moved to the left as he sat on it and how it balanced again when he laid down next to me.

'Have you slept?' Dougie asked almost whispering.

I didn't answer and just stayed silent. I wasn't in the mood for talking or eating or smiling or anything else. I just wanted to be alone, here in my room lying in my bed staring at that very interesting spot on my ceiling while my thoughts only think of one thing, one person.

'Harry said he'll forgive us eventually. We just have to be patient for a little while'

A little while.. how long is a little while? A day? A month? Maybe 3? How much longer do I have to live with this guilt? This anger towards myself? And this unconditional love which is eating me alive every second I don't spend with him?

'Maybe today Danny will let us explain and it could all be good by tonight' Dougie continued.

When Dougie explains himself to Danny I know he'll forgive him immediately. He was in the same situation Harry was, he just handled it differently. When Dougie tells him he never even hated him in the first place I know for sure Danny will forgive him just like he forgave Harry.

But I have something a bit more complicated to put in plain words. I have three little words I have to tell him to clarify why, just three little words. It doesn't sound too hard, does it? But that's the problem, in theory everything sounds so easy and simple while the practice is so damn hard. How difficult can it be to say I love you to your band mate, your best friend? To me, it sounds impossible.

'He doesn't hate you Tom, he's just hurt' Dougie's voice was now filled with worry because I hadn't said anything back. 'You do know that, don't you?'

I swallowed and slightly shook my head as tears appeared in my eyes. Of course Danny hates me for what I did to him. He has every right to be but deep, deep down I want to believe Dougie when he says everything will be ok. I want to have hope for the future where my love will be answered. But that's just the dreaming part of me which is no longer present with me today. Realistic me knows it will never be the same as it was before nor will there be a future for me and him together. Never.

'You've given up, haven't you?' Dougie sat straight and looked into my teary eyes. 'Don't you dare give up on Danny! Not after everything we've been through, what _he_ has been through! You can't do that to him! Not again! We have to be persistent. That's what he wants to see, that we fucking give a shit!' He yelled angry and jumped off my bed to leave my room slamming the door behind him.

The sound of the closing door was so loud that my body bounced and broke my eye contact with the ceiling. I suddenly realized Dougie was right. Danny wants us to let him know that we do care for him and that we are sorry for everything. Of course he's not going to believe us straight away but, as Dougie said, we have to be persistent.

I jumped out of my bed and got dressed. When done, I quickly took my car keys and rushed out of the door. Neither Dougie nor Harry were out of their rooms yet so I had fair play.

I drove to the hospital in a hurry and parked my car on a spot where it's forbidden but I simply had no time to search for a better one. I have to tell him now, now that I have so much courage and bravery in me.

Like a maniac I ran up the stairs which were more than I thought at first but the adrenaline kept me going until I finally arrived at his floor. I took one deep breath and then walked towards Danny's room with great determination.

'Tom wait, don't go in there. There's something I have to tell you first' The nurse said. The one that hates us..

'Later' I said not even looking at her. I was so determine, nothing could stop me now. I arrived at Danny's door and opened it abruptly only to see that the room was empty. The bed where he had laid in was made up. My now scared eyes scanned the room but there was no sign from Danny anywhere.

I turned around and saw that the nurse had followed me. 'Where is he?' I asked without breathing.

'He discharged himself late last night. He.. He's gone'

'Gone where?'

'I don't know Tom, I'm sorry'

My hands went to my hair and almost pulled it out while I tried to stay calm but couldn't. Tears filled my eyes and my face turned red as I tried not to scream. 'I was ready, I was going to tell him!'

'Tom! Listen to me' The young girl said firm and held my shoulders. 'It's very important that he comes back. He is far from healed!'

'He's gone again..again. Gone' I walked circles of panic and noticed that my surrounding were moving faster than me.

'Tom snap out of it! Listen to me please, Danny has to rest, moving around too much may cause internal injuries. You have to find him and bring him back! Do you understand me?'

'He hates me, that's why he left. He doesn't want to know me anymore' Something heavy was pushing hard on my chest. It hurt and I had trouble breathing.

'Slow breaths Tom, calm down. It will be ok.'

I tried to look at her, listen to her and do what she said but black spots were closing in on my view until suddenly there just was nothing there anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

14.

**DOUGIE POV**

'What did she say _exactly_?' I asked while being dragged to the car by Harry after he had a phone call from the nurse.

'Something about Tom being in hospital' Harry said rushing the words out of his mouth as he quickly started the car and drove off.

'In hospital with Danny or in hospital, hospital?'

'The second one'

'What did he do now? I'll tell you that boy never fails to surprise me!'

'I don't know Doug!' He yelled which made my smile disappear. 'Can you just shut up for 2 seconds please!'

Harry wasn't kidding. He was bloody serious and the way he was acting scared me. The panic was so obvious readable on his face as he speed drived on the road to the hospital. I didn't dare to say anything else anymore as I felt myself feeling guilty for laughing in the first place. I should have known Harry deals with things in a very different way than I do. I joke around and pretend it isn't doing anything to me while he can't hide his feelings.

'I'm sorry' I whispered when we stepped out the car. 'I shouldn't have laughed' and went on walking towards the building when I suddenly felt a hand pulling me back.

'No, I'm sorry. I know it's who you are, it's just the past few weeks have been so high tense that I snapped at you and I'm sorry about that.'

'It's cool, I understand'

Harry smiled and pulled me into a hug. I awkwardly put my hand on his back and tapped it. 'There, there' I said.

'You're so weird' He laughed and let go of me.

'But that's why you love me' We both laughed our whole way to the floor where Tom and Danny were. But our smiles quickly disappeared when seeing the girl who called Harry.

'Where's Tom?' I asked

'The doctor is with him at the moment but you can go in a few'

'What happened to him?'

'He had a panic attack and fainted. But when he came to he seemed to be in a lot of pain around the stomach area. We've been doing tests all morning.'

'Why would he have a panic attack?' Harry asked frowning.

'Because err..'

'And isn't that Danny's room where he's in? Doesn't he mind having Tom with him, or did they make up?'

'No err.. Danny is not here anymore'

'In which room is he then?' I asked

'None, he.. discharged himself last night'

'You're kidding me'

'How could you let him go?!' Harry yelled and waved his hand at her but she, thank god, dodged it.

'We couldn't stop him, honestly! We can't keep a patient if he doesn't want to stay. I'm so sorry!' The girl said scared to see Harry so angry.

'Don't worry, we know it's not your fault, don't we Harry? I asked him in a blaming tone. He nodded but his teeth were pressed together.

'Boys' a deep male voice said which belonged to the doctor.

'What's wrong with him?' Harry asked

'Well, there's nothing wrong with him physically'

'Then were does the pain come from?' I asked narrowing my eyes.

'Tom is making his body feel what he's feeling emotionally, as a way out.'

'Why is he doing that? Can you make him stop?' Harry said

'I gave him some painkillers and a tranquilizer, there's not much more that I can do for him'

'Thanks doc' I said while breathing out. I just can't believe Tom is in so much pain, I thought he was dealing with things. I suddenly felt really bad for screaming at him this morning.

'You can go to him if you like'

'Thanks'

The doctor gave Harry a tap on the shoulders and left, followed by the nurse. Harry went to the room but I ran after the girl.

'Wait a sec!'

She looked shocked as she turned around.

'Thanks for everything, although we didn't get a good start'

'I know, I'm sorry but watching you the past day I've realized that you do love and care for Danny. Though I don't understand why you'd hurt him in the first place..'

'Yeah, I'll tell you the full story some day. I just wanted to thank you for your help'

'You're welcome' she smiled

'What's your name actually?'

'Laura'

'Thanks again Laura' I said smiling and went back to Harry and we both went in the room. And I could not believe what my eyes were seeing. Tom was restlessly cringing in his bed. His face was wet and red from crying and he kept his mouth open to scream but there was no sound coming out. I quickly ran to his bed and took his hand.

'It's ok Tom, we're here now'

'I'm going to look for Danny' Harry suddenly said, still standing in the doorway.

'Don't you think Tom needs you more right now?' I asked in disbelieve that he wanted to leave him.

He shook his head. 'Danny needs me.. are you coming?'

'What? No, of course I'm not coming! How could you even ask me that?'

'I just thought you wanted to make things right with Danny'

'Yes I do but if I have to choose between someone who doesn't hate me and needs me or someone that hates me and left voluntarily, I know which one to choose!'

'Fine, you stay here then'

'Yes I am' I said firm and watched how Harry left Tom.. and me.

I went back to sit with Tom and watched how slowly but surely the medicine the doctor gave him were beginning to work. An hour went by and Tom was now peacefully sleeping, and me too.. almost.

I rested my head on my hand and felt myself getting tired of the tension and problems lately. My eyes were getting heavier and heavier. I was just about to give in when Tom suddenly stretched out his hand towards his nightstand. I immediately jumped up.

'What is it Tom? Do you need something?'

'D.. Danny'


	15. Chapter 15

15.

**HARRY POV**

5 hours.. 5 long hours I've spend in this car searching for my band mate and best friend but after driving to every place I thought of I still had no results in coming even close to finding him. I'm trying to find the place he went to when he first left 'cause where else would he go? But that in theory sounds much easier than it actually is. I thought to have found him by now and convinced him to go back home with me.. Sounds silly when I think about it now.

But suddenly my luck changed. Through the pouring rain I noticed a small house which was completely sheltered from the world by big trees if you look at it from the city's point of view. No wonder we didn't see it when he were originally searching for him. We only searched for him from the city's point of view.

I ran as quickly as I could through the rain to the house. I knocked it twice but when there came no answer I went in. And I discovered I was right. Danny's bag stood here and there was a bed made out of moss. The leaking of the roof made the house not much of a shelter and it was ice cold as well. My stomach twisted and I felt myself getting sick by the thought that he lived here, in these circumstances, for months!

But there were no signs of Danny himself. I figured he must have gone out to get some food or something.. So I waited. I let myself slide down the wall and felt all of a sudden so tired that I had to give in. I closed my eyes and almost immediately drifted away into a lovely dream where all was right and no problems were in sight, the way it used to be.

A ringing sound woke me however out of the beautiful dream. I quickly went over all my bags until I finally found the device.

'Hello?' I said sounding rather sleepy.

'Harry, Tom's getting worse with the hour. He now has a fever that keeps rising and the doctors don't know how to help him. You have to come back Harry. Tom needs you here' Dougie said panicky

'I can't come back Dougie. I just found the house Danny has been staying in this whole time. I'm waiting here until he comes back.'

'So Tom doesn't mean anything to you anymore, is that it?'

'Of course not but you have to understand Dougie, it's different for me. Danny has already forgiven me and I'll do anything to make sure it stays that way. I.. I can't lose him again Doug' My voice broke near the end when I thought about his suicide attempt. It was silent on the other line for a little while until:

'But.. _I_ need you too, I need you here. I can't handle seeing him like that. I feel so helpless.. Please Harry?'

'I'll be there as soon as I've found Danny and talked to him. I'll be as quick as I can Doug, I promise'

'I don't want to lose you Harry, not you too'

'You're not losing me Dougie! I'm just going to find Danny and bring him back so we can all be together again and fix this for once and for all'

'I don't think we can ever fix this again Harry. I know you have hope and I don't want to destroy it but.. Do you really believe that after all that has happened we can still go back to how it was?'

I raised my shoulders but realized too late that he's not able to see me. 'I don't know anything but we have to at least try, right?'

'I suppose' A little voice told me.

'Look well after Tom for me'

'And you for Danny'

I smiled and broke the connection. I saw on the screen of my mobile that was already 9 pm and there was still no sign of Danny. I felt myself getting worried, took a sweater out of Danny's bag and went back to town to search for him. I walked every street and looked in every window I could look in but when I hadn't found him after two hours I was so close to giving up.

I suddenly saw my usual hangout café and decided to have a little drink to warm up and then search again. I went in and sat on my usual spot on the counter and ordered my usual drink. A whisky.

'Harry! Your mate has lost the rails tonight!' A drunken mate called Billy suddenly came up to me. I looked frowning at the young man before I realized who he was talking about. This was not only my hangout café but also Danny's!

'Where is he?'

'He was just over there' The man pointed his hand into the direction but because he was so wasted he did not manage to keep his hand still and ended up pointing all over the bar. That made me lose it. I simply had no time for his drunkenness.

I jumped up, took the man by his collar and lifted him up a bit. 'Where. Is. He?'

This time Billy managed to keep his hand steady. As soon as I knew the direction where Danny was I let the man down and didn't give him any attention anymore. I was trying to manage a way through the crowed before I found out that the crowed was actually there for Danny by a man screaming his lungs out saying: 'DANNY YOU'RE SO AWESOME!'

And then I saw him, standing on the table pulling out some embarrassing dance moves. A sock was tied around his head, his shoes he was missing and his T-shirt was inside out and backwards. But above all he was so wasted! I've seen him wasted before but never like this. It must have been quite serious for him to let it come so far.

'Danny!' I yelled and immediately got his attention. He looked shocked at me but then started smiling.

'Harry mate, join us!'

'Let's go home Danny'

'THIS is my home!' He yelled with open arms and received cheers from his drunken mates.

'No, it's not. Let's go' I pulled his pants and made him fall. I caught him and eventually managed a way through his angry mates to take him outside.

'I don't feel so good' Danny suddenly said moaning.

'It's ok mate, I'm here for you' I rubbed his back as he stood crouching with his head between his knees. 'Why would you this to yourself?' I whispered.

'Because I'm worthless'


End file.
